"Book of Daze"
Here's a story of my early Queer life.
Back in 1970 I joined a Queer group called Gay Youth. It was the first on planet Earth organization for Queer teens. Wow how about that. I was only in for a short time as I was going away to college the next year, but it was a very full year.
All that becoming a man independence from family, and fun scary adventures like when I was in several gay bars, and clubs that were raided by both cops, and hoodlums. "...scary, and exciting."
These raids were "after" Stonewall btw. Raids continued for years after the riots.
The point is I had a special friend "X". That's sweet like a character in an love novel published anonymously by a nice lady in Vermont in the 1880's
Anyway he was younger just turned 15, and I was just 18. I had just got my Draft Card...Google that. My beloved "X" was very sweet gentle, and thoughtful. Very sexy too. Just the sort to be devoured by a vicious world.
"X" is a happy memory.
Sure there was fucked up shit...his insane parents, and brother that wanted to kill him. Just like today when Queer teens are butchered by friends or family.
Other than the threat of murder everything was fine.
We were all under that threat then as now. However to the point. We were friends, and in a kind of love lust stoned madness. Yeah "X" was the first person I got high with.
Oh btw he was very fem a sweet Sissy boy which is why he went through such hell, and why his own family wanted him dead or exorcised of demons...they were Catholics too so you can imagine.
My family didn't really take my Queerdom that seriously. I was fortunate as hell my folks were they way the were. Sure they were nuts insane beat us when we were little, and yelled too much, but so did all parents back then.
All the Great Depression Jim Crow, and WW2 generation were angry, and generally nuts.
Despite this they were weirdly tolerant at the same time. Both of my folks being in show business for a while helped. My mom had a Queer roommate when she went to City College, and sang at clubs at night. Dad played big band piano so ran into queers every day.
All this to say Queers weren't space aliens to them. So when I turned up it wasn't that big a deal. My bringing "X" home was mostly okay...eh with the very very clear understanding that there would be no funny business in the house..or backyard or garage or basement or roof or back seat.
...or anywhere else my Mom could think of.
Anyway my sisters, and my folks liked "X", and felt protective of him when I told them about his home life. There's no big finish to this. I had a warm stoned slightly sexual relationship with him for a year. I eventually went away to school as to keep me out of Vietnam, and eventually into the middle class.
Neither of us wanted it to happen, but we did drift apart. Such is part of life. Two youngsters separated getting involved with new people new weird adventures...we separate, and move on.
To nurture, and protect.
The End I guess.
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Wadda guy that Rimbaud! As I ranted last June Arthur Rimbaud should have a float in the annual so-call "Gai Parade". Ha! Parade my sore and tired butt.
In fact it's a "Queer Liberation, and We Survived March!"
Yeah
I'm no fan of all that "Assimulationist" static. Never mind. Point is
there ought to be an Arthur Rimbaud Float in that silly jamboree.
Yep that "parade" so-called is sneaking up on us, and will be in our pants before ya knows it.
Yep that "parade" so-called is sneaking up on us, and will be in our pants before ya knows it.
So this time lets honor some real 'Queers' as opposed to them dreary "Stroller Pushers" that have grabbed all the honors.
Bleep'em.
I can see it now. Hoards of Old Queer Poets Pervert trouble makers, and sun bronzed Gay Boy Scouts reciting, and singing the works of our Hero Rimbaud!
...make mine a double!
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"Mother Nature’s Sons"
I could never understand why the sight of boys kissing puts fright into so many. I remember the first time I saw two teen lads kissing. I was 16, and wandering around Central Park.
There was a gleefully confused Anti-War gathering/Be-In going on. Mind you I wasn't a full fledged Hippie at the time. I couldn't afford the costumes, drugs, communes or upper middle class background that supported all that.
Class resentments aside.
I drifted onto the Sheep Meadow, and saw several high school boys laying on the grass kissing. I tried to be hip, and pretend this was no big deal. After all this was 1966!
Gimme a break! That sort of thing can 'still' get you bashed or worse. Still the sight of it made my heart flutter. There they were peacefully embracing in Manhattan's green oasis.
In the shadow of urban mayhem Mother Nature's embarrassing step children were at play in the fields of the Lord.
My passionate desire was to be able to do the same with my high school heart throb,..."X".
Nice that, "X", sort of what a sweet 19th century Vermont lady would call a lover in the novel she was secretly writing.
Btw I once wrote an "R" rated story about that fumbling, and intermittent affair. One day before I kick the bucket I mean to make a little video about it. I plan to use dolls, and puppets.
Anyhow seeing happy perverts going at it is where so much of the murderous rage of the bashers, and haters comes from.
The sight or even the thought that this is going on fills them with killing rage, and for some secret desire. Life love desire hate rage quite a stew.
I think this is at the core of what makes bullies drive Queer youngsters to their deaths This is the engine that drives the wicked, and cruel to do their evil work.
Just the thought of such a simple tender scene drives these wounded angry souls to madness.
Fear is the true root of all evils.
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"Bless Love!!"
I was on the subway a few months back. The No.4 headed downtown late in the afternoon. Classes were out, and normally I can’t stand that time of day.
The youngsters makes so much damned noise. That, and some kids from the hell schools might stab or shoot you.
But I loves New York,…kind’a.
However this trip was different. Every now’n then one sees young Queers. Sign of the times I guess. So many are out much younger than we were.
I guess with the flood of cyber information that they swim in tells them they’re not alone. A blessing we old timers never had.
As a boy I remember going to the library to read an uncensored dictionary.
There it was,…the “H" word.
With that my loneliness lifted a centimeter or so off my soul. Queer kids today know from the start that there’s this whole Queer World all around them. Yes there are still great dangers, but at least they know they ain't alone.
I can never know what that feels like. To always know from the beginning you’re not the only one.
Sorry I’m digressing all over the place We’ll skip the sociology, and get to the point.
While I was on that downtown train I saw these two Queer school boys that were clearly in some variation of teen love lust madness for each other.
I t was good to see. Very ‘Good to see.
These were just standard issue youngsters like we were. Ordinary wonderful souls. Like I sez it was just nice to see. Oh it’s so good to see love.
I remember seeing a Lesbian couple that was so clearly in absolutely in the depths of love for each other. I was moved to tell them how swell they looked together.
No they didn’t pull out matching pearl handled 45.automatics, and fire at me till I was a greasy spot,..at least that time.
Naw they was just all smiley faces, and lovey dovey.
So in honor of blind love, lust, and that great soup of un-nameable emotions that comes with it.
"I say Bless Love, and the Big Mess it Always Makes!"
(...feel free to use the above statement on t-shirts.)
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"Hot Chrome II"
I've been thinking. What if children are right. What if we 'can' be anything we want. What if our rigid notions of reality are not what it seems to be.
My g-d what if we 'can' be anything we imagine!"
I have an idea for a subversive kid's book. I t would revolve around being, and becoming. What would you be...I mean really. The mind boggles.
Me well damn,...perhaps I'd be a 1958 Buick Land cruiser with extra chrome, and one of them insane overblown V-8 gas guzzlers under my hood!
I'd be flying down Route 66 at 120 mph! This on a fine summer's day in 1959 when gas was cheap, and the whole world could kiss our ass!
We had a zillion H-Bombs, and scads of brand new shiny B-52's to shove them up anybody's butt that gave us a hard time! The world was ours, and we was holding on with both hands!
Fuck'em if they can't take a joke!
Anyways as I say I'm flaming through the American wasteland burning gas, and shooting co2 out'a my tail...man this is living.
"Little Richard" is blasting out my custom Hi-Fi speakers, and I'm being driven by a couple of Queer teenaged Mexican high school dropouts! These deranged horny sweethearts have just stolen me from a racist part time IRS clerk, and Klansman.
My new owners my hero's are laughing their heads off smoking dope breaking laws, and living the life. These Tex/Mex mulatto teen Queers is wearing black motorcycle boots dirty white t-shirts with a pack of Camels rolled up in the sleeve.
The wind is singing through their slicked ducktails, and they're flicking butt's out of my windows. The kids is laffing their heads off about that Kluxer they left behind. The chuckle head they "borrowed" me from.
Yeah they did some rough trade bondage with'em.
The damned Kluxer painted himself in blackface begged for, and got some hogtied grease-less back door action from his teen Masters. ...while they're wearing Klan hoods.
...hey it takes all kinds.
What he didn't bargain for though was being carried out to the lawn, and tied to a tree.
Yep nekkid hogtied in black face robbed, and his secret stash of big titty black porn spread all around him for his wife minister, and Kluxer pals to find. He will not have a nice day.
A rough kind of justice that.
Me, and my new "owners" are on our way to Vegas to cut a "Do-Wop" 45, and generally raise holy bleeping Hell in the U.S. occupied Mexican northern states of Nevada New Mexico, and Arizona!
Well okay this story might be a tough sell to that stuck up tight assed kid's book market,...fuck'em. I'm giving the kiddies what they really want. Mad dreams fantasies, and good kleen sticky fun.
You get's my point though right.
This is radical stuff, and just what them kids need to live in this blood splattered madhouse of a world. We can be anything we can become unstuck from reality. Dammit we can dream, and make our own damned reality!
What can be more liberating, and dangerous than that?!
Hell come to think of it this book would really be for the parents since kids know all this stuff already.
Stay tuned.
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"Sissy Meditation II"
Sissies Queers Faggots gave the world Color Magic, and Liberated Loving! I hear "straight gays" say, "...We're Just Like You!" "We're just like everybody else."
NO!
We are Not!
Never were never will be. We're Different..'Very' Different!
Imagine being on Fire!
On Fire!
BURNING BURNING BURNING, and Not being Consumed!
We're reborn from second to second.
Every cell every atom!
We wear a skin of Flame!
Our eyes are glowing coals of Jade, and Gold.
Our words are lightning, and our Dreams ignite Stars!
...no we are 'not' like everyone else.
The act of creation is continuous. Walt Whitman shared his Dreams his Nightmares his Confusions his Joys as a 40 year long poem! This is what his "Leaves of Grass" was, and is.
A Life Statement a Life as a Celebration!
One long prayer to Forever.
The living bits of our joined creations filtered through pen paper brush canvas keyboard screen sky camera studio, and mic this is the collective voice of our Souls.
We say to Eternity We are Here We Dream We Create We Matter.
This is who We Are.
This is How We Live.
We Burn.
We are the Fire that can 'Never' be put out.
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I want to have babies. Okay let me explain. I want to have babies. I'm real good at taking care of them, and all the crying, and nappies full of yellow crap never bothered me,..who knows why. Well actually I know.
In another life it's likely I was a mommy with a bleeping huge brood of yammering crapping kiddies hanging on to my apron. Anyway that's what I think. It's one of them spiritual things.
I'm just good with kids..probably genetic. I was swell raising my two sisters kiddies, and they've since grown up to make scads more dough than me so I guess I did a reasonable job.
I love all the chaos, and wonder of them little guys running around nearly getting themselves killed. However they didn't because I had good kiddie radar, and was always at the right place, and right time to keep them safe, and noisy.
No I never did that "Sesame Street" condescending crap.
Gimme a break. Naw it was a steady diet of the 1940's, and 50's Warner Brothers Acme cartoons for them. Good enuff for me good enuff for them! Ah how we thrilled to "Wile E. Coyote" get smashed to jelly again, and again. If that ain't ain't a great lesson on how the world really works I don't know what is
Well that, and them Acme products that explode slice dice, and generally create handy, and useful deranged mayhem as needed.
All that, and the swell feeling of love, and assorted un-namable emotions ya gets as the little maniacs are asleep in your weary arms.
So yeah Queer pervert Commie pornographer layabout that I am give me your kiddies, and I'll do them right. Btw I'm real swell at story telling, and lullaby's.
Btw I also would really love to be a Queer Scout Den Mother. I'd be especially good at that. I'd teach the dear little Fags all the Queer survival lessons I've learned in a near century of surviving in this demented hell hole.
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"No Really,...I Want to Have Babies"
I want to have babies. Okay let me explain. I want to have babies. I'm real good at taking care of them, and all the crying, and nappies full of yellow crap never bothered me,..who knows why. Well actually I know.
In another life it's likely I was a mommy with a bleeping huge brood of yammering crapping kiddies hanging on to my apron. Anyway that's what I think. It's one of them spiritual things.
I'm just good with kids..probably genetic. I was swell raising my two sisters kiddies, and they've since grown up to make scads more dough than me so I guess I did a reasonable job.
I love all the chaos, and wonder of them little guys running around nearly getting themselves killed. However they didn't because I had good kiddie radar, and was always at the right place, and right time to keep them safe, and noisy.
No I never did that "Sesame Street" condescending crap.
Gimme a break. Naw it was a steady diet of the 1940's, and 50's Warner Brothers Acme cartoons for them. Good enuff for me good enuff for them! Ah how we thrilled to "Wile E. Coyote" get smashed to jelly again, and again. If that ain't ain't a great lesson on how the world really works I don't know what is
Well that, and them Acme products that explode slice dice, and generally create handy, and useful deranged mayhem as needed.
All that, and the swell feeling of love, and assorted un-namable emotions ya gets as the little maniacs are asleep in your weary arms.
So yeah Queer pervert Commie pornographer layabout that I am give me your kiddies, and I'll do them right. Btw I'm real swell at story telling, and lullaby's.
Btw I also would really love to be a Queer Scout Den Mother. I'd be especially good at that. I'd teach the dear little Fags all the Queer survival lessons I've learned in a near century of surviving in this demented hell hole.
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I would have actual Hope if we were actually doing something other than just figuring out how to make money out of coastal cities around the world slowly being drowned by the rising oceans.
Btw some companies, and think tanks are doing just that.
I never ranted exactly about it, but Sandy, and Katrina left quiet scars on us. It told us the shit was coming. 'But instead of preparing we're in mass denial.
We fighting tooth, and nail over who can use the shit house. That instead of planning new ways of growing crops, and building infrastructure to deal with a new Biblical flood.
The building I once worked at in lower Manhattan was 20 feet...you hear that!!!! "20 Feet!!!" under water during Sandy.
The traffic lights, and street lamps were underwater.
The trees, and plants in the park outside the building later died from the salt. The City quickly replaced everything...new soil new trees, and decorative plants
You'd never know it ever happened.
Which is how the system wants it to be. Forget eat fuck get high work fight over shit houses vote for the system's choices.
Everything is fine, and shut up.